Icebreaker Messages

How to Send Quality Icebreaker Messages


All of our posts thus far have centered around our hypothetical duo of Paul and Daisy. Both have decided to try their luck at finding love online and they have been working on creating the best dating profile possible. We have walked them (and you, the reader) through tips on how to make sure your profile isn’t boring. Today we will be teaching Paul and Daisy the basics for sending quality icebreaker messages.

For this post we are going to jump into our time machine and skip over some other helpful hints we have given Paul and Daisy, so you can assume that by now they have perfected their own profiles and are looking to actually meet some quality dates. (Sign up to the mailing list if you’d like these tips we haven’t shared yet).

I’m going to let you in on a little secret that I let Paul and Daisy in on that many people know about. It has nothing to do with dating. Or does it?

In sales and marketing there is a widely used acronym: A.I.D.A

AIDA stands for: Attention, Interest, Decision, and Action

You want to grab the other person’s attention. You want to spark the other person’s interest. You want them to decide that they want to know you better and meet up. You want them to take the action of meeting up/giving you their phone number.

The key to great messaging (and online dating in general) is to utilize AIDA. The great thing about great icebreaker messages is that you don’t even have to utilize all of it in your first message. You can work through AIDA over the course of a few messages.

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Great icebreaker messages should at least have the following: Attention grabber, Interest builder, (and Action, though on a small scale).

Is this a good icebreaker?

  • Hi, your cute. I see you like mystery novels – I do too. Check out my profile and message me back if you’d like!

What do you notice that is wrong with this message? There should be two glaring things. First, it should be “you’re” not “your”. I can’t believe how many people use improper grammar on online dating sites and it really is a turn off for people. Second, the message is boring.

Here is something slightly better:

  • Wow, I’m so glad I came across your profile! Since you like mystery novels maybe you can helps me do a little detective work. I’m looking for the woman who took my breath away. She is about 5’9″, has a great ’60s haircut, and likes martinis. Oh wait, that’s you…  😉   In all seriousness, I’m a mystery fan myself, who is your favorite author?

This message does a much better job of grabbing attention and building interest than the previous one. It also asks for the “small scale action” we talked about earlier.

You always want to end your icebreaker messages with an open-ended question. This is a more friendly version of what successful bloggers and marketers refer to as a “call to action”. You don’t want to ask a yes or no question (i.e. “Do you like cats?”) because it is too easy to receive a yes or no answer (if you get one at all). This is not good for communication and building comfort in a relationship.

If you stick to these ideas you will have much more success getting replies from people who are genuinely excited and interested in you.

More tips for icebreaker messages continued here


Don’t forget you can also sign up to our mailing list for exclusive tips to improve your dating profile that aren’t posted on the site.

If you happen to be interested in outsourcing your dating life, we have a partner over at The Professional Matchmaker. Let them do all the work setting up and managing your online dating needs.